We had just finished up a nice demo at Old City Kites in Sacramento and it was time to get in the van and be off to our next gig. Emil Lamprecht, Paul Escolar and I piled in and Emil turned the key in the ignition… nothing. In addition to our music for the demo, we had accidentally left too many accessories running in the van for the last 2 1/2 hours. The battery was completely dead.

We asked Anwar, our host, if he had jumper cables. He didn’t but suggested that the workers who owned the trucks next to us might. I talked to the first guy to come out to the truck, and after I explained to him what jumper cables were, he told me he didn’t have any, but his buddy might. The three workers were all Hispanic so the next part of the conversation took place in Spanish. What surprised all of us was that the second guy didn’t say either yes or no, there was a pretty involved discussion and then the first guy turned to me and said, “Yes, we have them.”

The worker guys started digging around in the second truck and pulled out a big coil of electrical wire. This is the kind of wire that contractors use to put in an outlet or run electrical lines through your walls. I thought maybe the jumper cables were under the coil of wire, but no, they were going to use that wire to jump us.

It never would have occurred to me that their method might work, but they were very confident, we only had 35 minutes until our next gig, and I was happy to roll with it, so I got the hood open as fast as I could. Emil on the other hand was pretty nervous about it and asked, “Are you sure that’s safe?” The guy with the wire looked at him with an expression that said, “Of course this is safe, don’t be ridiculous.” Paul was apparently pretty nervous too, but he hid it well.

The worker guys got the big coil of wire out, cut it to the right length and started whittling off the insulation with their pocket knives. It was a surprisingly quick operation, and it was clear that at least one of the guys had done this before. With both hoods open, the worker guys put the wire in place. There was some coordination that had to be done of course: “Negra positivo?” “No blanco.” I suggested to Paul and Emil that they stand far enough back that they couldn’t get hit by any spraying acid from an exploding battery… just in case.

The Duncan Crew tour van about to get a good jolt.

The electricity donor.

The thing that was worrying me the most was that the guys were just holding the wire onto the terminals of the batteries with their bare hands. I know how batteries work, and I have heard horror stories about what happens when you accidentally touch a wrench or something to both terminals of a car battery, so I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that their beating hearts were right smack dab in the middle of those two battery terminals. I didn’t think anyone was going to grab on to the terminals with their bare hands, but sometimes you can’t help imagining the worst-case scenario.

Emil got in the van, and after a little more discussion the worker guys gave him the signal and he turned the key. The van started right up as if there had never been a problem.

The three of us Duncan guys cheered and threw our hands in the air, and the three worker guys looked at us like we were idiots. Throughout the entire jumping process there was a wonderful disparity between how freaked out Emil, Paul & I were versus how nonchalant the three worker guys were.

Emil hooked the guys up with yo-yos to say thank you and we were off to the next gig. We made it with 5 minutes to spare.

Almost as funny as the story itself is that whenever Emil is telling it he can never remember the word “jump” and keeps saying that the worker guys “rebooted” our van. Kids these days huh?

Poised with my juggling-sandwiches.

Lookin’ good!

So I juggled sandwiches, grabbed snacks off the shelf with a juggler’s flair, and I even ordered a drink off the touch-screen ordering system while tossing a sandwich into the air with one hand, and holding a whole mess-o-snacks in the other. It was fun. I have to say that I was very impressed at how easy it was to order my drink. If I can do it while repeatedly tossing a sandwich into the air and catching it again with one hand while wearing a racing helmet, then I think the average Joe should be able do it under more normal circumstances. We finished the shoot with me balancing a stack of something like 10 cups and walking out the door. I tried to do it as a real balance, but the cup lids were too squishy, so we had to use gaffer’s tape to stick them together. After the juggling sequence I believe the CEO is going to bust out and do a little break-dancing (with someone else in the suit).

Things I learned while doing this video shoot:

• If you walk into a convenience store with a racing suit on, everyone will stare at you.
• I no longer care if everyone stares at me.
• Racing helmets get fogged up on the inside if you wear them for things other than driving a race car.
• Despite having a camera crew pointed at you, normal people will always think there is coffee in that giant stack of cups you are balancing.
• Some people get scared when a man in a racing helmet comes running at them while juggling three sandwiches.
• Wearing a racing suit in public makes you feel like a super-hero.

Sheetz Inc. seems like a fun company, so I hope I get to work with them again.

The proof is in the picture. Last Friday I got to perform at the annual banquet of the Greater Pittsburgh Magic Network (GPMN), and it was in a real, live castle. Ok, it was a modern castle, and it wasn’t alive, but still.

First there was a close-up show, then dinner followed by a stage show. Since I am new to Pittsburgh no one knew me other than Paul Gertner, who had invited me. Paul was the headliner, so he thought it would be fun to have me come up as an innocent volunteer as part of one of his bits. It was really fun. We planned it so that Paul and I each had a yo-yo, he was telling me how to use the yo-yo to complete the magic trick, and then I showed him up with my yo-yo skills. It was pretty funny. After it was clear that I was a shill, Paul introduced me and I did a routine. It’s always great to be the juggler at a magic show since no one else there does what you do, and thus are not already bored by it.

It’s weird being at a magic show with a bunch of magicians. They don’t clap at the same time as a normal audience. For one thing, they know how a lot of the stuff is done; and for some of the tricks they clap when the secret magician thing is done somewhere in the middle of the trick, not at the ta-da moment at the end when the rest of us clap.

There was a mentalism trick done at one point, where the guy on stage asks for an audience member to pick a “magic” number. Then he takes a marker and fills in some seemingly random numbers into a big 4×4 grid that he is holding. The thing is that the numbers all add up to the “magic” number when you add them together in rows, columns, corners, diagonals, etc. It’s a good trick. What made it totally surreal for me was that as soon as the “magic” number was picked, the guy sitting next to me took out a pencil and his program and started racing the guy on stage to get the numbers of the grid written down. I still don’t know how it’s done (and that’s how I like it), but by itself, the pencil race next to me was really amazing.

When I was hired they told me that the president had done a few yo-yo tricks at one of the parties in the past, and after my show today he came up to chat. His name is Bill Browne, and he told me that 30 years ago he and a friend set the world record for the longest session of continuous yo-yoing. They went to a radio station and yo-yoed for something like 30 hours straight! I didn’t get as much information about the event as I would have liked so I went home, got online, and checked out the Guinness Book of World Records site. I didn’t link to it because it is not worth your time. There are almost no records to be found on the site despite the fact that they have a search box, so don’t even bother. I can list more world records from memory than I was able to find in my searches of their site. I KNOW that there are more than 6 records in the category of “food” for example.

Anyway, the more I’ve thought about it the more I’m intrigued by this “longest continuous yo-yoing” record. I may just have to contact Bill again and see if I can get more information.

It was a fun little fair. Very cozy, very comfy, with maybe 15-20 vendors and a small kids area. They had a little set-up for bands that were playing throughout the day, and they asked me to come to do a couple of short sets while the bands were switching over. Everything was very casual and low-key, and I wasn’t really sure there were enough people for me to gather much of a crowd.

My first set was about 20-25 minutes long and it went really, really well. I kind of felt like the old-time circus that comes to a small town and gets mobbed by spectators. This was not a rural neighborhood or anything, we were right in the middle of Indianapolis, but by the time I started my finale I think I had every person at the fair standing around watching me. It was great. Afterward I overheard one of the people involved in the fair half-joking, “…maybe we should forget about the bands and just have jugglers and magicians and stuff….”

My second set wasn’t quite as long or as packed, but I’m sure some of the people from the first show were still at the fair and wanted to give other people a chance at the front row ;) When I started I noticed that there was a girl in the front row who was about 8 years old and had been at my first show. As soon as I did my first trick she said, “Don’t you have a different show you can do for us?”
“If you’ve seen my show before, then you’re gonna see it again!” I said, and so she got up and left. It was very funny.

I gave out a bunch of business cards, which was my real goal, and we’ll see if anything comes of it.

“In this picture it looks like you are wearing a cape.”

“Yeah, I am.” I said.

“Ok… then why aren’t you wearing a cape now?” he said.

It took me a second to suppress my smile and come up with the right response.

” Well, sometimes I like to keep a low profile and just go out in my civilian clothes.”

“Oh, ok.” he said, and walked off.

It did make me wonder though, of all the people who see my show, what percentage of them would actually think the show was better if I was wearing a cape?

Get your own Mark Hayward trading cards here.

When I select my volunteer I usually point at them and mention what color they are wearing, or if they have a hat or glasses or some other distinguishing feature. Then, especially if they are unsure who I’m talking about, I sometimes say, “Yeah you, the one with the head… and the arms.”

I was doing a show for a really big crowd at the Wisconsin State Fair, and when it was time to pick a volunteer I picked a little Asian boy who had his hand up. He hesitated, so I started to say my standard thing, but since he was partially obscured behind another kid I said, “Yeah you, the one with the head… and the arm.” It was a good thing that I switched to the singular because when he stood up, everyone could immediately see that he only had one arm. The crowd got nervous.

Ordinarily I have the volunteer hold the juggling balls in one hand, and the yo-yo in the other and I make a little left-hand/right-hand joke, but obviously I skipped over that one. The kid had a normal left arm, and a small hand sticking out of his right shoulder. As I asked him to hold onto all the props I was worried for a second that he might not be able to do it, but of course he managed just fine. I went on with the routine explaining what he had to do, what I was going to do, and that when I said so he needed to run for his life.

At this point, after I had been talking to the kid for several minutes, a woman from his group yelled to me that he didn’t speak English.

“He doesn’t speak any English at all?” I said.
“Just a little bit.” She said holding up her fingers to show me a very small amount. “He’s Chinese.”
“Well, that’s ok…[long pause]… it’ll just make this all that much funnier.” I said.

That got a big reaction from the audience. It was the kind of laughter that says, “that’s funny, and I’m laughing, but I’m very uncomfortable with this whole situation, and how are you going to get yourself out of it?” I took a minute to acknowledge the crowd’s reaction, to laugh to myself about this situation I was in, and then I just blazed right on ahead.

I got the trick going, got the kid to hand me the props he was holding, and I started yelling, “Run! Run like the wind!” No surprise, since the kid didn’t speak English he just stood there. I kept yelling, “Run!” and I started pointing, as if that was going to help, while yelling, “Run! Run from the horrible man!”

Fortunately, someone from the audience yelled, “Run!” in Chinese and the kid took off. I completed the trick, and the crowd roared. Before everyone cleared out I ran over to the kid and gave him a big high-five just to make sure everything was ok, and to thank him for helping me out.

For a moment there I thought I was doomed, but in the end picking that kid made the show way better, and I’m pretty sure that he had as much fun as I did… I guess I’ll never know though since he only spoke Chinese.

Another thing that helped (mostly) was that the kids from the nearby vendors and stuff would come to every show. Sometimes they couldn’t help themselves and just had to spoil a punchline before I could say it, but for the most part it was just great to have people watching. This was my first year at the fair, so I don’t have any basis for comparison, but the heat had to be keeping people away.

My favorite regulars were Ernie and Mike. They came to the fair every day and watched every show that they could. After Mike finished with his job at McDonalds the brothers would come over to the fair grounds, wander around for a bit, and watch all three of my shows… without giving away any of the jokes.

Halfway through my last show, after suffering through the heat for three days, a cold front moved in. It made that last show a really good one since the audience was much happier, but I couldn’t help but be annoyed with my buddy Wayne Francis since he was coming in to work the last three days of the fair and wouldn’t have to suffer like I did. I asked the ladies in the fair office to punch him for me when they saw him.

Instead of using the now dead in-house PA, I just hooked up my portable battery-powerd PA and we were off and running. I got one of the best cheers I’ve ever gotten at Summerfest when I announced that “Summerfest may not have power, but I DO!” It was followed closely by a woman saying, “You must be the Cool Yo-yo Man!” “Yes I am.”

Right after I finished my set, my ventriloquist friend Wayne Francis, pointed out that out of the 75 acres and 10 major stages, I was the only powered act on the entire grounds. As it turns out, he wasn’t exactly right… I was one of three… all variety acts. After my set I let the Dance School use my PA for their big public showing. Without me they couldn’t have done their show at all. That’s right, a juggler, a magician, and the yo-yo guy SAVED Summerfest! Maybe now the big dogs will once again see the value of having us there, but somehow I doubt it. Don’t worry though, I’m going to milk this for all it’s worth… and then some.

The show in Madison was a lot of fun, as I expected. I actually asked to come back to this one after I did it a few years ago. As a part of the intensive week-long music clinic for middle-school kids they also bring in entertainers so that the kids can learn to be good audience members, and therefore be more appreciative when they have a good audience themselves. It’s a really nice theater packed full of kids, and it’s always a great show.

Evansville was a lot of work (five 45 minute shows at five different locations in 2 days) but it was a great time. It’s always interesting to see how different the shows are when you do a series like this one. Some of them were packed, outrageous riots, and some were more low-key, calm, lightly attended affaris. The shows were great, and something I didn’t expect at all was that there were a bunch of kids who came to more than one show. One kid came to three! One show on the first day, and two on the second.

At one point in my show I tell a story with yo-yo tricks, and one of the tricks is the Runaway Dog where you throw a fast spinner, take the string off your finger, and the yo-yo rolls away from you. I always aim this trick at a specific kid so they can grab it and throw it back to me, but sometimes they miss the yo-yo as it rolls by. At one of the shows on the first day in Evansville, the kid missed the yo-yo so I asked for someone to go and get it. About 6 kids got up and sprinted for it. As they did, I sarcastically said, “Yeah, that’s a great idea. Fight over it. And see if you can knock some teeth out while you’re at it.” I’m not used to people taking me seriously. The kids actually started fighting! No teeth were disloged, but neither were any parents. I had to go over and break up the fighting kids myself. It was very strange.

It was a slow drive back up to Indianapolis that evening, but I had my Berries & Cream Dr. Pepper so it was ok. I LOVE that stuff! It tastes like cough medicine. It’s awesome.

I REALLY didn’t want to have to get in the car for more driving on Thursday to go up to Skokie. The show ended up being delayed a few hours because of the rain, but that actually turned out to be good since I got to have lunch with Harper and some of the threadless.com guys. After lunch there was a short Half-Life video game session where we played in a level that Ivan had made to look like the threadless office. It was really cool.

Since Monday I have driven over 1600 miles. Yow.